Transformers 3: The Micro-Review, “Where’s Megan Fox, Again?”

Transformers 3 poster

There’s an opening sequence in Transformers 3 that just about sets the stage for the entire movie. An amazing up the leg, follow the panties up the stairs shot, before we even get to see the not-Megan-Fox costar’s face. And I’d have to admit she has some amazing lips, but acting? Modeling maybe. Acting, not so much. But in T 3 she doesn’t have much acting to do. And what should I have expected, it’s a summer blockbuster aimed at teens, we need a sex interest. And I think the director is playing the “let’s see how close we can come to the censors without actually going to PG-13” game on this one.

There’s no call for the opening I’m-too-sexy-for-my-shirt sequence, except that this scene might sell a few extra tickets as young theater goers, without access to online porn, strive to get another look up those legs. And nice as they are, the actress (what was her name again?) is better as a dress model (and she does wear some stunning dresses) and a screaming action-movie heroine, than as an actress. Actually, we don’t really need her character at all. But we’ve got her. And did I mention she has amazing eyes?

So without giving any of the movie away, I’ll cut right to what I didn’t like, besides the gratuitous girl: the battle to end all battles just keeps going and going and going. The autobots transforming from cars into robots on the fly was awesome in T 1, and still pretty cool in T 2 but is now utterly boring in T 3.  There was no suspense in this movie. The battle begins and continues for about 90 minutes. There are a few human interests, but mainly it’s about the clash of the bots. And the humans, even the NEST humans in flying suits, just seem to get in the way of the coming collision between the robots.

And Sam’s parents are kinda cute, and utterly rude and crass. Some of the words out of the mom’s mouth seemed to be for shock value. Their arrival and departure seemed unnecessary, but one of the ways to keep the storyline coherent from the first two movies. And then there’s the evil human, bad boyfriend, billionaire asshole. Of course, we needed him. We all need to hate the rich guy with all the money and the good looks and perhaps even the rivalry of the girl. But in RL Sam would not have a chance. He is, actually, kind of a loser.

Finally the casting of the Fargo woman (Francis McDormand) as the government hard ass was so far off the mark you wondered what Bay and Co. had in mind. She’s a foil, sure, but she’s so tongue-in-cheek the entire movie that it throws the whole Good Guys are Bad Guys thing way off. The John Turturo character is well played. And his side-kick, half gay, half-techno-idiot-savant, Dutch is pretty good too, but odd.

Overall the movie seems like it is reaching for a plot that should’ve been bigger than one big cluster fight. Even the voice of Leonard Nemoy can’t salvage the evil Descepticons. They’re just not scary or even very well organized.

What's the story behind Megan Fox not being in T 3?There is only one question that was buzzing through my mind as I was watching T 3, “What happened to Megan Fox?” Not that she would’ve made it a better movie. But her hottie had a bit more soul than this new girl. A mean soul, yes, but a bit more real. We know nothing about the new girl, and don’t really want to know more. She’s there for the eye candy and the teen audience. Sadly she doesn’t play much of a role, but she really didn’t have a role to play. She IS amazing looking during those opening sequences.

I guess that’s enough for Transformers 3.

@jmacofearth
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Here’s what happened to Megan Fox.

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